Finding A Friend In Isolation

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Lynne,

It must be difficult and frustrating to move to a new area and not be able to build a friendship with a godly woman. However, I do believe there is a friend for you because God created us for relationships for many reasons, including to learn to love like He does. I agree with Robert South who said, "A true friend is the gift of God, and he only who made hearts can unite them".

I don't know what you have done in the twelve years you have lived in your community to try to establish a friendship, but here are some suggestions so the women in your town will get to know you better and be able to interact with you in different settings and vice versa:

• Get involved in church activities in whatever capacity the Lord leads you


• Show kindness to fellow church members and neighbors at every opportunity (Galatians 6:10), such as send cards to those on the church's prayer list, take a casserole when someone is sick or after a death in the family, visit senior citizens who are home bound


• Offer your home as a place for a Bible study/fellowship for the women or couples of your church


• Become a volunteer in a local ministry or charity


• When you have the opportunity, give your testimony about how God has worked in your life through your son's illness and death. I'm sorry you overheard remarks from ladies who stated they couldn't be your friend due to your son. I know that must have hurt you. Those remarks may have been made by women who were unsure of what to say to you and were afraid that whatever they did say would upset you. Hearing you talk about your son should put anyone who has that fear at ease with you.


• Don't limit your friendships to any particular age bracket. You can benefit from having friends of varying ages because they have had experiences that you have not had. On a personal note, I look forward to the second Wednesday of each month because that is when I have a standing lunch date with a wonderful Christian woman who is in her eighties!


• Since you know firsthand the difficulty of being in a new town and making friends, do all you can to make newcomers to your church and neighborhood feel welcome


• Invite a couple, whether they be from your church, your neighborhood or one of your husband's co-workers and his wife, to your home for coffee

These suggestions may seem risky because you will be putting yourself in a position where people can refuse your help or invitation, but don't let that stop you. What may seem like a risk is actually a step of faith, and maybe what God uses to cause your life to intersect with another godly woman who will become a friend to you.

Pray asking God to bring into your life a Christian woman to be your friend (Matthew 21:22). God will not withhold any good thing from you (Matthew 7:11). Trust His timing and remember that God's provisions for His children are always on time according to His perfect plan.

Also, ask God to help you become more like Jesus. You will become a better a friend the more you become like Jesus. No matter where a woman is in her spiritual life or how many friends she has, there will always be some Christ-like trait(s) that she will need to work on, such as loving others unconditionally (Romans 15:7), patience (Ephesians 4:2b), forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32) and humility (Philippians 2:3).

While it is good to have friends, including your husband, remember that no person can meet all of your needs. Only Jesus can meet your every need and complete you in every way. So in your pursuit to make friends, don't neglect your most important friend -- Jesus Christ, your Savior (John 15:14). When your relationship with Jesus deteriorates, every other relationship in your life will suffer.

How To Find A Church

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Jessica,

The decision to move your membership to another church is an important decision and should not be done hastily. It is a decision that should be covered in prayer from start to finish and with full trust in God that He will make sure that you are at the church He wants you to be at.

It is important to realize that there is no perfect church. J. C. Ryle said, "Before Christ comes it is useless to expect to see the perfect church." Each church has its own unique sets of strengths, weaknesses and problems, and a large church with a wide variety of ministries is no better than a small church with limited resources.

There are probably several Bible-based churches in your community, and you should ask God for wisdom and guidance in where He wants you to worship and serve Him. After prayerfully consideration, if you feel that God wants you to move your church membership, start learning about the churches in your area that are of your faith. You may contact your denomination's associational/district office for your area or ask friends who are of the same faith about the churches they attend. A church's website is another source. Find out if your local newspaper has a religion section (most newspapers run a religion section once a week), and if they do, check this section regularly to learn about the churches in your community.

The most important thing you need to determine about any church that you plan to attend is what is their statement of faith that is what do they believe. Do they believe that the Bible is inspired by God and without error? Do they believe that Jesus is the Son of God, that He died for our sins, and that God raised Him from the dead? Are the church's teachings based on the Word of God?

If you find God is drawing you to a church, which appears to be Biblical sound, attend a church service to see if the church's actions and teachings match their statement of faith. R. Albert Mohler, Jr. in Feed My Sheep states, "Where the authentic preaching of the Word takes place, the church is there. And where that is absent, there is no church. No matter how high the steeple, no matter how large the budget, no matter how impressive the ministry, it is something else.".

After your first visit, if God is still drawing you to this church, plan to attend the church for several weeks and try to participate in a variety of the church activities, like the different worship services, small group Bible studies, outreach programs and fellowships. This should give you to get an accurate picture of how the church carries out its different functions, such as preaching, teaching evangelism, giving, encouraging and accountability, and to allow God to show you where He wants you to serve Him in this church. Continue to evaluate the church to make sure its doctrine is Biblical sound, and only join the church, if God leads you to do so. The importance of praying and trusting God throughout this process is crucial and cannot be emphasized enough.

Jim Elliff in Why Should I Join a Church? states that "You, as a Christian, were designed and created by God, not for a life of individuality and self-will, but to fill a niche in the spiritual building called the church.". This is true whether God leads you to join a new church or He directs that you remain at your present church. In either case you should go to church faithfully for worship and find a place within the church to serve God diligently.

I will be praying for you as you seek God's will.

My New Year's Prayer

Happy New Year! Starting a new year gets many people, including myself, thinking about changes they would like to see happen in their lives. Personally I would like to exercise consistently, eat healthier, manage my time better by focusing on those things that are important and to consistently post on this blog! Now I can make resolutions to do all things and more. However, I will ending up breaking these resolutions just like every other resolution I have ever made in my life.

Why? Because when I make a resolution, I'm relying on myself to change Rebecca which is a great way to fail because I don't have the power to change me. The only person who can change me and produce any good thing in me and my life is Jesus Christ. So instead of making resolutions this year, I'm going to take the suggestion I found in a devotion by Wendy Blight of the Proverbs 31 Ministry -- I'm going to write out a New Year's prayer asking God to change me in 2009. I have never shared a prayer like this before, but maybe it will inspire you to write your own prayer. Also, I know sometime during 2009 when the newness of this year has worn off and I have lost my zeal for change, I will need to re-visit this post to renew myself.

Father, I love you so much and I'm continually amazed by You and Your love for me. Thank you for choosing me as Your child. Thank you for leading me through 2008, the good times and the bad, and bringing me into 2009.

Please forgive me of the times that I have sinned against You and failed to honor and glorify You. I'm sorry for giving into my selfish desires and rebelling against You. I submit to You my time this year and all You have entrusted me with. I need and want Your help to live a life that will be pleasing to You and may I be careful to always give You the praise. Help me to be the best steward possible of my time, my body, my money, my spiritual gifts and the opportunities for service and growth that will come this year. May my priorities always line up with Your will for me. Give me wisdom and discernment so I will do the right thing at the right time, especially when doing the right thing will not be the easiest option. I want to do my best for You, but I cannot do it without Your guidance and strength.

I want this year to have a more intimate relationship with You. Give me a deeper understanding of Your Word, of Your Will for my life and of Your love. Renew within me a right spirit, one that is always willing to obey You regardless of the cost. I want to bear spiritual fruit for You, and I know that at times that will mean that I will have to endure trials or be pruned by You. During these times, please give me the right spirit so that I will persevere when it will be so easy to give up. I pray that my love for You will grow and that I will learn to trust You more.

Thank You for always keeping Your promises. I know You will be with me each step I take in 2009, and I pray that I will not stray for Your side. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

I hope the new year brings each of you good health, joy, love and a closer walk with Jesus Christ!

What's Been Happening in My Life

This summer was a busy time for me and I didn't seem to have any extra time to blog about all of the happenings so I'll do a recap:

In July, my friend and co-worker, Jimmie, died of cancer after battling the disease for a year. In spite of the grueling treatments and surgery, she continued to work without complaining. Jimmie never let the cancer steal her joy for life. I miss my friend -- her laughter, her stories, her help around the office -- but I have the peace in knowing that I'll see Jimmie again one day in heaven.

In August, I marked the three year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina by preparing for another storm, Hurricane Gustav. Like a lot of people, I was anxious with this storm with the memory of Katrina still vivid in my mind, especially since we were in the forecasted area for landfall. I did my best to turn my worries into prayers. I wasn't praying that the storm would go somewhere else, but that the storm would weaken, and God answered my prayers. When Gustav arrived on Labor Day, it was not as intense as predicted, and my family did not sustain any damage.

Two weeks later, I, along with the rest of the Gulf Coast, was watching another hurricane -- this one named Ike. Instead of being anxious, Ike surprised me because even though it struck Texas it brought us rain and wind for several days. Since Ike we've been fortunate that the Gulf has been quiet!

Which brings to October...I'm days away from my 40th birthday and a much anticipated vacation to the mountains. On the subject of my birthday, I'm not apprehensive about it (honestly). I've never understood why people get so wrapped up in dreading getting older and fear of birthdays that end in zero. I'm prepared for the "over the hill" jokes even though I don't get it...how is that if a person is 40 and alive, they're old, but if a person is 40 and dies, then everyone laments about how young that person was! I believe I'm blessed by God to have lived as long as I have. For Him to keep me here means He is not through with me yet and my job on earth is not complete. That in itself is enough to celebrate every day (regardless of your age)!

Obtaining wisdom and guidance about whether I should move

Jessica,

You have raised some good questions, and I'm glad that you want to seek God's will for your life.

In responding to your post, I have quoted you and have placed this text in blue. My response follows in black.

"I am a single Christian 25 year old girl who lives with her parents. I am wondering whether God wants me to move out."
and
"I have a chance to go be a part of a "discipleship community" down in Colorado, and live with other godly girls around my age. I went down to Colorado in August for a retreat, and maybe it was just me, but I felt this PEACE when I was there. I can't explain it. Am I supposed to go down there? I have no one to ask for advice about this sort of thing, either. Could someone please help me?"

Jessica, I can so relate with you. I'm a single (almost) 40 year old Christian who lives with her parents. I have had the same mental struggle that you are now going through -- whether to stay or to move. You want to do the right thing, but you are not sure what that is.

Personally I put James 1:5 into practice. I encourage you to do the same and pray asking God for wisdom to make the right decision. Trust God with your living situation knowing with your head and believing with all of your heart that He will reveal to you His will for your life (Proverbs 3:5-6).

You may be interested in reading an article I wrote about finding the best way to go when facing a difficult choice.

"I had moved out before, to go live with my aunt, and my relationship with Christ thrived as a result."

Jessica, I am glad that you are aware of when your relationship with Christ thrives and when it doesn't. However, your relationship with Jesus should grow and remain steadfast regardless of where you live or any other circumstances.

I think it would be a good idea for you to explore through prayer and Bible study why your relationship with Christ is stronger when you are away from your family's home so you can take the necessary steps to have a consistent relationship with God.

Some possible reasons are:

1. Unconfessed sin always weakens our relationship with God. Ask God to point out any sin in your life that you need to confess and repent of it.
2. God may be testing you to strengthen your walk with Him. There will be times in your life when you will not feel particularly close to Christ, but that doesn't mean anything is wrong. That is when you must live your life as Christian by faith alone and not your feelings. Your feelings will deceive you, but faith in God will not.
3. Temptation often come after a high point in our spiritual lives, and it sounds like you had a high point in August at the discipleship community in Colorado. If you are undergoing temptation, you may not feel like you are thriving while you are in the midst of a spiritual battle; you need to put on the full armor of God so you will be fully equipped.

Regardless of the reason, you should consistently pray, study your Bible, memorize Scripture, obey God's commands, worship and serve Christ because a growing, thriving relationship with Jesus takes time and commitment.

"I have been really antsy, lately. Perhaps it's "just want to be married and have my own house" kind of blues that I'm struggling with..."

God will not withhold any good thing from you (Psalm 34:9-10). Use this season in your life to get to know God and His Word better. As a young single Christian you will be able to serve God in ways that you would not be able to do if you were married so make the most of the opportunities that God gives you. Also, be patient with God's timing. God is never early or late; He is always on time with His provisions for His children.

I find that when I focus on my relationship with Christ and serving Him, I don't have the desire or the time to dwell on what I don't have, such as a husband. I would encourage you to focus on what you do have and trust God to meet your every need. There will be times when this this be not be easy. During those time, pour out your heart to God in prayer and tell Him what you are feeling.

"...but my mom is older, and our house is full of stuff, and it's not as clean as I'd like. It discourages me and depresses me, because it just seems like my mother just doesn't care about whether her family lives in a neat and clean home."

Housework is a full time job, and if your mother works outside the home, she is carrying a very heavy workload. Besides having too much to do, your mother also may not have the energy and strength to keep the house as clean as she did when she was younger and/or it may take her longer to do the chores.

Exodus 20:12 commands us to honor our father and mother. You can do this by helping your father and mother with chores that need to be done around the house. This is an area where little things really do count. If you see something that needs to be done, do it, such as washing dishes, taking the clothes out the dryer and hanging them up, setting the table for meals, run errands, dusting, taking out the trash -- the possibilities are endless because there is always something that needs to be done to keep a home running smoothly.

"P.S. It's hard for me to find a job that I want to do, as well - how would you suggest I go about attaining necessary job skills, if say I want to be a receptionist, but don't have the training? What would you suggest?"

This is a tough situation, particularly with today's economy. Can you obtain the necessary skills and experience through a volunteer job at your church, other ministry or charity? Do you know of someone in the career field that you are interested in? If so, ask them for suggestions and possible leads for a job.

Jessica, no matter where God wants to you live, the type of job you have or your marital status, remember that God has plans to give you a future filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

Day Out With Mom

This past Monday was a real treat for me -- I got to spend the day with my Mom shopping. Now this may seem like an ordinary event, but it was something we haven't had the opportunity to do often since Hurricane Katrina. Prior to Hurricane Katrina, we would regularly spend at a day together, usually Saturday, to shop and have lunch together.

So, here's what we did -- we went to the mall in Hattiesburg. My Mom was the one who knew which stores she wanted to visit and what she wanted to look for. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular; I was just along for the ride. As it turned out after walking the mall and visiting several stores, my Mom didn't find anything she wanted to buy, but I found a great sale on three blouses that I'll be able to wear when it gets cooler. (I love clothes that are on sale!!)

After our shopping, we had lunch at Red Lobster which brought back some happy memories for me. My Mom used to take me to Red Lobster every year for my birthday. As a single mom, the money was not there for us to eat out often so when we did, it was a treat, even if it was at a fast food restaurant. So to get to eat at Red Lobster on my birthday was something very special and something I looked forward to.

My Life at Work

Eight weeks ago a co-worker left the law firm where I work for another job opportunity. This has had a direct impact on my life at work since she and I shared the workload in helping the two attorneys in our firm with the cases that they are handling.


It hasn't been easy; there have been both good times and bad. I have experienced every emotion possible from anxiety, frustration, confusion, relief, a sense of accomplishment, peace, contentment, and thankfulness for my job and the help I have received from the attorneys and my fellow co-workers.


From the start I have been confident that God is in control of the situation, that He has prepared for this time in my life and that He will use this experience to help me grow spiritually even if I cannot see how.


Pray for me...that I will not try to do my work on my own strength but to rely on God's strength, for peace when I feel overwhelmed, for the ability to forgive myself and move on when I make little mistakes that I feel like I shouldn't be making, for wisdom in setting my priorities when I have to decide which case to work on first, for patient to endure this season in my life, for another paralegal to fill the vacancy at our firm who will be a help to all of us, and for God's will be accomplished and for me to learn the lessons that God wants to teach me.